Dillweed Lawyers

A while back, I wrote a post about “pit bull” lawyers and “lab” lawyers.

The argument I made was that you’re much better off with a lawyer who acts like a loyal Labrador retriever, versus one who acts like a hyper-aggressive pit bull.

I’d like to add a new category to that list: The dillweed lawyer.

Although closely related, these are different from their pit pull lawyer cousins (who are smart and tenacious, but way too aggressive).

Dillweed lawyers have the same level of aggression (maybe more), but they are also stupid.

They don’t know when to stop. They cover up their lack of skill with bluster, falsehoods, and personal attacks. They don’t know how to win on the law, so they resort to insults.

This is always a dead giveaway: Their quote-unquote arguments are mainly about opposing counsel. They make every fight personal.

They don’t understand the law, but worse, they don’t understand how to get along with people. Their emotional IQ is off-scale low.

These lawyers—thankfully—are rare.

They don’t last long—especially in the super cool, freakin’ amazing lawyer town of Austin.

They usually can be found in anonymous glass office buildings off major freeways in Dallas. Some have migrated to Houston and San Antonio. At least one made it to New Jersey.

But, as Austin grows, a few have been spotted in the Texas Hill Country.

The good news is, they flame out fast.

It doesn’t take long for judges, juries, and other lawyers to figure them out and ignore them.

Just like Beavis.

Where Does My Lawyer Live?

A lot—probably most—of the personal injury lawyer billboards and TV ads you see—ALL. THE. TIME.—are from lawyers who don’t live here.

The state bar makes us say where our “principal office” is on all advertisements.

Some lawyers—if they do it at all—try to get around this by muttering their city name at the end of their TV ads or writing it in fine print at the bottom of their billboards.

Others claim to have an Austin office or a 512 phone number, but when you drill down to the bottom of their gobbely-gook website, it says “by appointment only” (that’s lawyer-speak for “I don’t have an office and will come to your house or meet you at Starbucks”).

We think that’s dumb.

My father-in-law—an old-school, small-town, Texas trial lawyer—has a shirt someone gave him that says “A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.”

It’s true.

Any lawyer knows—or should know—the law.

That’s what law school and the bar exam is about.

But a GREAT lawyer knows the judge. And the court clerk. And the baliff. And the staff attorney, and the sheriff’s deputies manning the metal detectors at the door.

Because that’s how you win cases—it’s personal.

It requires someone who lives here.

There are a lot of great Austin lawyers. We’re proud to work with them. You should hire them (we’d love it if you hired us too).

But out-of-town lawyers who are paying lots of money just to advertise here should stay home.

Never Take Medical Advice from a Lawyer

I have a simple rule when deciding whether to take a case:

If someone’s really hurt, they’ll go to the doctor.

If they’re not, they won’t.

Instead, they’ll probably ask me something like, “what do you think I should do?” or “I wanted to run it past you first.”

And I’ll say, “no thanks.”

I famously do not get involved in my clients’ medical treatment—for better or worse—unless I absolutely have to.

If my clients have no other way to pay for treatment (no health insurance, their provider won’t take it, or they can’t afford it) or have no idea where to go for it (they’re new to town, don’t have a primary care doctor, or don’t know where to find one), I may help them make financial arrangements or find a trusted medical provider.

But, when I do, I always give them the dead-straight instruction: “Never take medical advice from me. Do everything your doctor says—nothing more, nothing less.”

Medical decision making is between two people: you and your doctor. No one should get in between those decisions—especially your lawyer.

If a lawyer tries to tell you what your injuries are, what medical procedures to get, or where to go to get them, they’re most likely doing it to help them—not you.

I’m disgusted when I hear about unwitting clients getting unnecessary medical treatment and even serious surgeries just because their lawyer recommended a certain “course of treatment.”

Some lawyers are so blatant they send almost all their clients to the same doctors, who diagnose the same injuries, and do the same procedures.

The only people benefitting from that arrangement are the lawyer and the doctor.

We don’t do it and neither should you.

How to Vote by Mail in Texas in 15 Easy Steps

Voting shouldn’t have to be this hard.

Texas has a long and sordid history of voter suppression. The state’s recent battle over its draconian mail-in voting rules is another example.

To show just how hard it is to vote by mail, I’ve made this simple and easy-to-use, step-by-step guide.

1. Go to the Texas Secretary of State votetexas.gov website

2. Find the Application for a Ballot by Mail page

3. Print an Application for Ballot by Mail form

4. Verify you are over 65, disabled, out of your home county, or in jail (huh?)

5. Complete Sections 1 through 8.

6. Sign and date Section 10.

7. Get a witness to sign if you need help.

8. Get a stamp (it’s not prepaid postage, silly).

9. Go online and find the mailing address of your county’s Early Voting Clerk (don’t mail it to the Texas Secretary of State, you numbskull, or it’ll be rejected because, why not?)

10. Mail the application to your county’s early voting clerk so they RECEIVE it (not postmarked) at least 11 days (why 11?) before election day (because it’s easy to control when mail gets delivered, right?).

11. Get your Ballot by Mail (cross your fingers!). 

12. Fill out your ballot (this is the easy part).

13. Get another stamp (because you should have to PAY to vote)

14. Go online and find the mailing address of your county’s election official.

15. Mail your ballot to your county elections official so they RECEIVE it by 7 p.m. on election day or by 5 p.m. the day after election day if it is postmarked by 7 p.m. on election day.

THAT’S IT! You’re all done! Wasn’t that easy?